no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
