Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
