Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize