I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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