As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
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