i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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