Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
