i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
