Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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