Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
