Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
