Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I deserve this hangover.
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