I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
