drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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