He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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