Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
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