He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
