I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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