weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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