I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
