So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
