Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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