ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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