It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
