don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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