If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
