I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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