K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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