i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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