I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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