How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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