Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
operation harelip BJ is a go
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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