I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
