Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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