Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
