hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
