I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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