You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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