Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
