Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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