it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
