also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize