I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
