Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
