also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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