her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
