Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
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So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
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I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize