Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
