There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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