I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
