I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize