Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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