Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Randomize
