he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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