I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
