glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
