he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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