Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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