Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
