my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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