you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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