the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
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Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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