evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs