I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
This house was built for laser tag.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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