Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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