I just found puke in my bra..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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